Things I hate hearing on a first date… or even the 10th date! In my experience, these are all disaster warning signs.
“I don’t know what I want”… bollocks, they do, they just don’t want to admit they’re only after something shallow (usually it’s sex, but can be other things) and you don’t fit their limited ideal of a perfect partner.
“I’m not ready for a relationship”… see above.
“I’m not like other guys/girls”… how do they know? Have they dated others of their own gender? Sure, some do indeed prove they’re not like others… usually because they’ll end up proving to be worse than most.
“Your differeing age/race/religion/etc doesn’t matter to me, I’m not discriminatory” … it’s true, so long as the word relationship doesn’t come into it.
“I’m looking for a wife/husband”… umm… what’s your immigration status?
“Umm… I work in marketing…” (quickly change subject)” = okay, so does that mean you’re marketing your resume trying to find a job? Why don’t you just be honest, it’s not as if no one else on the planet ever had life go pear-shaped on them. If they’re going to lie about that, what else will they lie about?
*too many questions about your kids and not enough interest in you* … paedophile?
“Do you have tattoos?” = Shallow and judgemental, no matter what the answer is, the long-term result is likely to be negative.
*negative speal about their ex* = still holding bitterness and resentment, which will spill over into any relationship they enter.
*oh woe me my life sucks spea’* = they don’t want a partner, they want someone to mollycoddle them.
*loads of questions about your ex’s* = jealous, possessive and insecure.
*Hesitation at the idea of meeting somewhere public and very popular, prefering quieter places, and totally shirking the idea of you ever meeting a friend or family member of theirs* = married.
Hate to burst your bubble, but…
1. If I like someone, I flatly tell them, and explain exactly in what way I like/am interested in them because I am not shy in that way by any means.
2. Body pics do absolutely nothing for me. I’m not that shallow.
3. I don’t give a rat’s arse who you are, as I’m only interested in one person, and he doesn’t need to send me anonymous coy messages like this because he’s already told me that he loves me and wants to be with me.
4. I’m smart enough to recognise a bullshit spam trying to convince me to sign up to a website that I have no interest in at all.
Conclusion: Fuck off idiot.
I’m back. Had a great though busy holiday with my kids and got to paediatrician appointment all good and well.
It is now officially confirmed by a specialist that my littlest one does indeed have autism. It’s a big relief to me because it means I don’t have to bite my tongue to any more bullshit from anyone trying to say his inability to speak properly and his massive tantrums and other such things are my fault for not teaching him, being neglectful, not knowing how to handle him, etc. In fact, it was also confirmed that the reason he manages so much as well as he does is because I DO know how to teach him and handle him. Had I not done so, his symptoms would be a lot worse right now than they actually are.
I’m going to love seeing the looks on the faces of a few people in this fucked up town when they see their ignorance and finger pointing is proven wrong in writing.
I can also now finally get some more help and support from various services for him.
I won’t have internet access from tonight until the 11th Oct, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as normal services resume. :D
nvm not taking a nap. mad about people who should have never entered a mother fucking classroom to teach.
You and me both! I was just about to log and go to bed when I saw sharkiepoo go off about autism and milk and I couldn’t let that one slide, then wrote a second blog on the topic, then got into a private fight over depression v’s feeling depressed and whether or not suffering from depression is a choice from someone else’s blog, then came back to the autism issue cause it fired up again…
So much for winding down online for a bit before going to sleep! Gees people piss me off sometimes. Was good though, I was in a really foul mood all day and in just the right frame of mind for chewing someone up. lol
Because the topic has been raised I’m going to keep this ball rolling for one more blog before I go to bed. This one is for any parent (or other close person) that is concerned that a young child of theirs might have an ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) or are concerned they may end up having such a child.
There isn’t very much information around about the very early signs that children show which can alert a parent to a need to get their child assessed for ASDs. Many parents have no idea that their child doesn’t fit into the “normal” boundaries of expected childhood behaviour and ability until after the child is at school and not doing very well. All of a sudden there is something “wrong” with the child - rather than an acceptance that the child is merely neurologically different to most people and simply requires a different way to learn and communicate… and the problems compound from there.
I’m going to list the things that me, my brother, and my boys exhibit/ed as “odd little traits”, particularly in the first couple of years of life (though some have stuck, us older ones are just better at ‘hiding’ it all), starting from as little as only a few months old. Of course, every child is different, every child can show odd behaviour, and one or two oddities is not a problem unless it actually becomes a problem. All children have their little odd behaviours, they try something new, if it has an effect that works for them, they will keep doing it. It is not a diagnosable condition of any kind until there is a whole heap of combined oddities displayed by a child over an extended period of time… it’s that extended period of time that often makes Autism “not obvious” until later on. Just being aware of these sorts of things early enough to get an early diagnosis can make a difference in how well it all gets managed.
This list is far from comprehensive, this is merely what a small selection of those in my own family exhibited. Other children may add new ones to this list or vary what is here in different ways:
- Compulsive and obcessive rocking (to sleep, when upset, when listening to a favourite song, etc).
- Obsession/excessive fascination with items that are similar (same colour, shape, etc).
- Obsession/excessive fascination in things that move (wheels turning, things spinning).
- Obsession/excessive fascination with lights and/or things that are shiny (who gives a damn about the chocolate when the coloured foil wrappers of Easter eggs are so cool!).
- Excessive reluctance to get dirty/sticky; obsession with being clean; excessive fascination with the feeling of a certain thing (eg: feathers, fur, velcro); excessive avoidance of certain tactile sensations.
- Food must be exactly the right taste, colour, shape, texture, temperature and size, on same plate with same spoon every time or it won’t be touched; reluctance to put things in mouth; obsession with having a certain thing in mouth/hand.
- Lack of ability/tendency to make eye contact; eye contact is only perceived by the child as some sort of very funny game to play and not required for general communication. Also a tendancy to look at things, especially new things, with sideways glances rather than a direct focus and a tendancy to stare ‘through’ people rather than look ‘at’ them.
- Lack of tendancy to want to hug, cuddle, or be touched in a certain common way (eg: hates hair being touched, back being rubbed, hand being held, etc).
- Delayed speech; speech only attempted when child knows they can say it perfectly correct in both sound and context; preferance for using gestures to communicate.
- Excessive independence; lack of age appropriate social interaction; perceived abnormal lack of seperation anxiety (NB: the seperation anxiety still exists, if anything it’s more severe than in normal children, it’s just not displayed in the same way most children show it, thus is often assumed to not exist and gets ignored - in the long run resulting in an even more withdrawn and nervous child. ASD children tend to ‘switch off’ and it will appear they don’t give a bugger if you’re there or not, what they’re actually doing is retreating into their own little ‘safe zone’ as a means of combating their anxiety).
- Obsession/determined persistence to repeat the same mundane action over and over again, sometimes for many hours (opening/closing something, moving an item back and forth, watching the same tv show, listening to the same song, etc.)
- Lining up items that are similar in excessive and perfect rows/patterns (toy cars, dominos, etc; takes them hours to do, move one piece even a fraction out of place and they notice). Also a tendancy to look for, find and memorise patterns and/or symmetry in things.
- Difficulty expressing emotion properly; a lot of trouble comprehending the emotions of others (can’t be sad if not crying, can’t be happy if not laughing, can’t be angry unless chucking a tanti - makes it hard for them to understand when they are pissing someone off until that person reaches breaking point and completely loses their temper with them). Also, very little or no comprehension of facial expression and tone of voice.
- Overly disturbed and sometimes even blatently traumatised if the order of things is changed (position/location/routine).
- Sensory overloads causing confusion and anxiety; strange interpretations of their senses (eg: child might complain of noise or cover ears in a brightly lit room).
- Absolutely no comprehension of sarcasm in early years and tendancy to take everything completely literally by word (and then almost ironically they often become masters of sarcasm and very good at using puns in later in life. lol) Tendancy to insist that things can only have one simple name each and words can only mean one thing (eg: if they have learned that it is a mailbox, it can not possibly be a postbox or letterbox; and it makes words like ‘saw’ and ‘mean’ interesting to try to explain.)
- A tendancy to be their own greatest distraction. Their attention is draw to the strangest and most trivial things that are almost always a ‘break’ in a ‘pattern’ (eg: when walking along a street they’ll notice every gate in a fence and every manhole on the footpath, because it’s a change in the pattern of the fence and path)
- Emotional meltdowns when the built up confusion, frustration and anxiety of trying to navigate such a confusing and complex world gets too much for them, resulting in misbehaviour, crying fits and tantrums of epic proportion.
The general view of the general public is rather pathetic and ignorant at best. People act like it’s some sort of disease, and I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve been asked if there’s any medication or cure! I’ve come across so many people that, when I’ve told them my kids have aspergers, have displayed pity on me. My reaction is always, WHY?!?! Sure, my kids can be a handful at times, but I’ve had so many people tell me I have every parent’s dream when they’re on their good days as well. Autism isn’t all bad, in fact, there’s a lot of good in it to be found.
As for doctors and the like… nevermind the doctors. You’ll come across some arseholes and some quacks, but ultimately, ASD’s aren’t something that has a cure and any doctor worth his PhD knows that.
NB: Therapies for ASDs don’t exist to ‘correct’ anything that is ‘wrong’, they’re there to give an alternate learning method to help the kid figure out how to survive in this screwed up world of stupid social rules.
As a parent of an ASD child, you’ll find school teachers are the absolute worst of all creatures you will ever have to deal with. It is expected that ASD children will learn to conform to school society… and they will have far too much pressure placed upon them to do so… which will confuse, frustrate, and stress the hell out of them until meltdown… then they throw the tanti of all tanti’s and get into even more trouble! They will be called lazy, daydreamers, inattentive, unmotivated, troublesome and stupid… when in actual fact they are simply neurologically incapable of filtering all the input into anything that makes sense, and when it finally does make sense and it’s time to serve some output in the form of classwork and tests, it doesn’t come back out the right way either. Receptive and expressive communication fail. Of course, it’s the student’s fault, the teacher can never be at fault for failing to find a way to get past a communication barrier with a student. PFFT! Yeah right!
The reality is, most mild to moderate ASD kids are actually quite smart, in their own little way many of them are genious, but they have trouble learning the way other kids do and have trouble expressing what they know, thus they are often perceived as stupid or uneducated. When a teacher does find a way to get past that communication barrier, the child could very well dux the class in their prefered subject. Aidan, my eldest son, is a below average student overall academically speaking, simply because he really struggles to get classwork done. He absorbs the information in his own way, but can’t figure out how to explain it least of all write it into his book, so he gets no credit for what he actually does know. Last year he was in the bottom 10% of all Aussie students for his age group in comprehensive reading/writing, but in maths he was in the top 98%. Maths was easy for him to express, he just had to write the correct number. He has a new maths teacher this year, she expects him to show his working out. He can’t do that, as a result, he’s being graded as below average in maths so far this year.
My brother did very average and in some subjects below average at school. Now he’s a professional drummer; drum tutor; works at almost every school, uni, college and music store that has drum/percussion classes in his area; and has even written and published a book on the subject. He is able to earn more money in one school week than most people earn in a month. He’s a natural walking metronome and can read drum notation easier than he’d be able to read this blog.
I survived okay at school academically because I was able to read and write well, but please don’t ever ask me to explain this sort of stuff in person or on the phone! Socially, that’s an entirely different story. Friends? What the hell are they?
The trick to successfully raising an ASD child to be a successful adult is to find and recognise their strengths, figure out what works for them, and use it; and teach them to use it. Many ASD children have photographic memories and work best with visual cues. My eldest needs this like air. He memorises maps almost instantly, has a brilliant sense of area, distance and relative location, and can identify vehicles he’s seen from the most minute of details that everyone else overlooks. Others find auditory easier and just because they aren’t looking at you it doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. I’ve recently figured out that my youngest is like my brother, he follows beats and rhythem, so I’ve been teaching him words and sounds to speak with in rhythemic tones and syllable beats, and so far it’s been working and he’s finally starting to learn how to talk. Patterns are awesome, no matter what it is, if there’s a pattern to be found, they will find it. If you can find a way to use that, do it.
And please always remember that just because your ASD child might not express their love and appreciation like most kids do, it doesn’t mean they don’t love or appreciate you. They do, very much so. They just don’t know how to show it.
(This one is for Sharkiepoo, while I’ve still got a few spoons and a nicely balanced foul attitude to dish them out)
WAKE UP PEOPLE AND PAY ATTENTION!
ASD’s - Autistic Spectrum Disorders - have been proven to be caused by genetics; with premature birth being very highly suspected to be most likely to cause an ASD to be more severe than it might have otherwise been. Some environmental factors might make ASD’s more severe, but this has yet to be proven and probably never will be because the varients are far too extreme. Simply put, if you’re going to get an ASD, you’re going to be born with it, it’s no one’s fault, it’s just one of those things.
It is not contagious.
It is not a disease.
It is not caused by environmental factors.
It is not curable.
It is not preventable - excluding contraception of course. If you don’t want to risk having a child with an ASD, don’t have a child.
People with ASD’s are not stupid. In fact, some are savant, which is a whole new level of genious.
Autism makes itself known between 12 and 36 months of age. In more mild cases it’s often not noticed until the child starts school and begins to struggle keeping up with the rest of the class.
Children with ASD’s can have learning “difficulties” in school. The reality is, learning isn’t difficult for them at all - if the information is presented to them in a manner in which they can absorb it. The learning problem is created because neurotypical people learn things one way and ASD people learn things in a different way - because their brains process information differently, but the point is, they still process information! The lack of recognition of how ASDer’s learn and lack of ability to get the information through to them in a way in which they can absorb it is the failure of the teacher, not the student.
To use a metaphorical example: If you only know how to speak, read and write English, and I was to attempt to teach you something by only speaking and giving you written information in Arabic, would you understand anything I’m trying to teach you? No. When you fail the subject, is it your fault for not knowing Arabic, or is it my fault for not presenting it in English? It’s my fault for not recognising the fact that I need to present the information in a way you can understand it. That is the problem ASDers have with learning.
Yes, in recent decades more and more children are being diagnosed with ASDs. Why is this? Is it something new? No, it’s not. It’s just more recognised and more people are taking their kids to see medical professionals to get their kids diagnosed.
When I was a little kid, Aspergers (a form of high functioning Autism) wasn’t heard of by the general public. It was known to exist, had been “discovered” and documented, but the information just wasn’t available to everyone like it is nowdays. I was simply considered to be scatterbrained, inattentive, daydreamy, obcessive, strange child. There was nothing actually “wrong” with me. My brother was always being commented on as a “brattish boy” and the term “boys will be boys” was often applied to him. It was considered to be a nothing more than a personality quirk.
Nowdays, if a child doesn’t fall perfectly within the bellcurve of “normal” learning in kindergarten, something diagnosable must be “wrong” with them. The parents are given a recommendation to get a diagnosis, thus more parents are taking their kids to the doctor to find out why their child doesn’t fall within that standard bellcurve, thus more kids are getting diagnosed. This is the only reason I’m aware that my boys have ASDs, had I not been pushed by their kindergartens to get a diagnosis for them, I would have just seen them as kids that were about as normal for boys as I had always thought my brother was.
I’m yet to get a diagnosis for myself, but my brother has had some genetic type information given to him by a doctor and one day he phoned me to tell me that if either of us have a premature child the chances of autism are higher because he carries the gene for it, thus chances are I probably do as well. Well, my children certainly proved that correct!
The number of cases of severe autism are also growing, but not as fast as the overall statistic for all ASDs. But of course the cases of severe autism are going to grow, the whole damn population of the planet is growing, so of course there’s going to be more severe cases of ASD around. Not to mention, decades ago a child with severe autism was often hidden from the world in shame, some parents would even kill the child rather than attempt to deal with it, medical access wasn’t as readily available nor as often accessed, thus many cases went uncounted. When my parents were kids, it was generally considered pointless going to a doctor unless you were literally dying or had something physically very wrong with you, like a broken bone sticking out of your leg.
There is nothing “wrong” with people that have an ASD. They are simply different. They perceive the world differently. They learn things in different ways. They process information differently. They express themselves differently.
Children with ASDs can have emotional meltdowns and throw the biggest tantrums you will ever witness. There is a good reason for this and I can’t blame them at all. If you’re neurotypical and want to get a little bit of insight into what it’s like for a child to have an ASD, go to a completely foreign country (or planet!) where not only does everyone speak, read and write a language you can’t understand, but also use body language and vocal expression you can’t understand. Somewhere that you struggle to understand everyone else and be understood by everyone else. Now imagine your frustration when you’re trying to communicate something really basic and no one has a clue what you’re trying to say and none of them are even bothering to try because they think you’re just retarded or something, and every second thing you say and every other movement you make seems to upset and offend people and you have no idea why. Now tell me you wouldn’t eventually throw the mother of all tantrums in a situation like that! That is what it is like for a child with an ASD to grow up in our horrible world full of bizarre social rules and complex expressional language.
The reason therapies exist for kids with ASDs is not an attempt to cure them or make them better, but merely to teach them strategies - in a way they can understand - to better nagivate the neurotypical foreign world.
Now take that child and raise them in that world to be an adult. Is it any wonder adults with ASDs can get a bit pissed off at the world and the ignorance and stupidity of neurotypical people when they try to blame something like milk for causing Autism?
Wake up people.
Quit trying to find something to blame and someone to sue for a condition that is completely genetically natural. All you’re doing is degrading and cheapening those that have ASD’s like they’re some sort of plague upon society.
Autism is here and it’s not going to go away. Get used to it, accept it, and deal with it.
What can I say? Same thing I always do I suppose: People are so stupid.
You wanna add another candidate? It’s like the Republican primary is like a season of American Idol in reverse, where every week, you just add another idiot. …First you guys wanted (Michele) Bachmann, then (Rick) Perry — now (Chris) Christie? You know what, Republican base? Meet me at camera three!
(To camera three.) Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe your candidates aren’t the problem — maybe it’s you? You’re hard to please or figure out! You’re unrealistic! I mean, you’re pro-life, yet — (rolls tape of GOP members applauding Texas’s death penalty) — what was that? You’re afraid of ‘death panels,’ yet for uninsured coma patients — (rolls tape of GOP members shouting ‘YEAH!!!’ when Ron Paul was asked if a patient without health insurance should be allowed to die) — that’s the crowd: ‘YEAH!!!’ You guys ‘support the troops’ — well except for Captain Creatine over here (rolls tape of gay U.S. Army soldier who asked GOP candidates if they’d repeal DADT — and was booed by GOP debate crowd).
It’s like the Republican base is at war with its own talking points: ‘I want someone who’s gonna cut taxes — and balance the budget! Someone who’s a skilled orator — that doesn’t talk all fancy! The child of poor immigrants — who will build a fence to keep them out of this country! Someone who’s strong enough for a man — but Ph-balanced for a woman!
…It’s like your ideal candidate is a rare, super-heavy element that can only exist in a particular particle accelerator. And even then, only for a fraction of a second. Before you all remember how much you hate science.
You guys need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, and not come away thinking ‘Hey, there’s something wrong with this mirror.’” —
JON STEWART, on media-fed rumors that New Jersey governor Chris Christie may enter the GOP presidential race — as well as the hypocritical sentiments of the Republican party — on The Daily Show. (via valjeans)
This whole bit was brilliant, favorite line in the whole thing was “Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe your candidates aren’t the problem — maybe it’s you?”
This quote is perfection.
Reblogging for this last line: You guys need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, and not come away thinking ‘Hey, there’s something wrong with this mirror.’
THIS!!! To sooooo many people, not just US republicans, but soooooo many people of all different types all over the world!
going through the same thing… they’re either dead or not born yet.. or hiding in caves. sigh.
Maybe they’re too scared to come out of hiding lest they get trampled by the stampede of women that are looking for them. lol
Having one of my “I FUCKING HATE GUYS” moments right now. Stupid fucking selfish narrow-minded jerks that spew verbal diahorea from the arsehole located under their nose fucktards that I’d like to smash over the head with a cricket bat like I’m hitting for a long boundary six but can’t because they’re too far away and I don’t have a cricket bat or get out of jail free card.
Apologies to the few rare decent men in the world. Where are you all?
How hard it is to not punch my little kid in the head when he’s throwing a massive tanti and triggers me big time by headbutting me in the face, smashing my nose to running clarret and possibly a black eye.
I’m so fucking strong when my kids need me to be I impress myself.
“Men’s bodies and sexuality are taken for granted, exempted from scrutiny, whereas women’s are extensively defined and overexposed. Sexual and social meanings are imposed on women’s bodies, not men’s… men have left themselves out of the picture because a body defined is a body controlled.”
W. H. Courtenay (via findthepony)
Not true at all, in fact very far from it. In the 70’s men were pressured to have loads of chest hair. In the 80’s they were expected to be muscle bound hulks. In the 90’s they were expected to be sweet and sensitive and look the part. Now they’re expected to look something like this…
The difference between men and women in today’s society with regards to personal appearance is that more women will generally do more to attempt to change their appearance in an attempt to gain social acceptance, whereas men are more inclined to just find better friends instead.