Why do people find it so hard to maintain a long distance relationship?
Most of the best relationships I had were long-distance for a lot of it. The way I see it, I could be single and have no one at all for several months, or I could be waiting for the return of someone I love and communicate with them when possible. I could have no one to say, “I love you” or I could have someone to exchange those words with now and then on the phone, via email, or letter or whatever. I’d rather a long distance relationship over none at all.
"How can you live without him for so many months?" I would get asked. That’s the easy part, it’s getting used to him being home again that gets difficult! lol
Seen a few posts about this problem recently so decided to share.
The day before and during menstruation, exercise. Walk, run, swim, dance, anything to get those hips, stomach, butt and lower back muscles moving. Exercise pelvic floor muscles when you have to sit still. And have sex (if you have a willing partner) or masturbate, a lot, at every opportunity (in the shower or bath makes it less eeewwww! cause it washes away instantly). The less you feel like doing it, the more you need to do it. It reduces stress, eases cramping, and allows the menstrual flow to come away better thus ending the period sooner (although may only be by half a day it’s better than nothing!).
When she first told me that I thought she had totally lost her mind, but eventually I decided to try it and OMFG it works! Why the hell there isn’t some national public awareness campaign about this I have no idea, but it worked for her all her life and has worked for me for (does the math…) 25 years.
I decided to save myself $50 and do some work in the yard myself rather than pay someone to do it for me, and now it’s done; and I’m in a world of pain and likely won’t be walking anywhere for a couple of days. owie owie owie wawa owie
Unless you think you are a cat or something. then you can fuck off.
The only problem with the concept of equal treatment for all is that people don’t behave equally. If they did, it would be easy and fair to treat them all equally, but when someone acts like a complete cockhead, to treat them the same as someone that actually deserves respect because they behave respectfully undermines the decent person. That being said, if more people treated each other according to their behaviour instead of shallow bullshit like skin colour or whether or not they have a dick, then the world might be a better place.
I’ve often pondered all the ramifications of this concept, and I think I’ve got an answer (my opinion).
In the past I was abused, badly, and made to believe I was worthless, hopeless, only good for one thing, etc. I now have PTSD. The experiences that created my PTSD changed me. I’m not the same person I was and never again will be. Is that a bad thing? No, and I’ll explain why by the end of this ramble.
So what defines me?
Am I what they tried to tell me I am? Am I worthless, hopeless, only good for one thing, etc. Am I my mental illness? Is there is no more me than the symptoms of PTSD?
That is not how my past has defined me, because I’m not going to let it. I refuse to be that. I decided to rise above that. I have made myself worth something, and will not let anyone get away with treating me that way again. I learned to reduce the severity and how often the symptoms of my PTSD affect me, and how to deal with it as another small part of my life instead of making it a big part of my life, and I will not let it win.
Had I not lived through the things I have, I wouldn’t know the things I now do. I wouldn’t be able to cope with things I now can. I wouldn’t be as strong as I now am.
Someone that has never suffered a traumatic experience of any kind will probably suffer one of some sort eventually. Be it the loss of a loved one, a car accident, or some disaster of some sort, eventually one day something is bound to happen. When something terrible happens to most people that have never had to deal with the harsher things in life, they struggle to deal with it. For me, when something happens like that now, I roll my eyes and think, “Oh ffs here we go again!” and deal with it as I have learned that traumatic things need to be dealt with.
Yes, it changed me, but it didn’t define me. I use what I learn through my experiences to decide who I want to be.
My past doesn’t define me, but it did strongly influence how I define myself.
The average Tumblr user creates14original posts each month, and reblogs3.”
Makes me wonder if technically, according to tumblr, re-blogging something and then commenting on it like I am now qualifies as an original post. If that’s the case, then that statistic would make a lot more sense.
Am I happy? Well, for the most part no, but let’s be real, no one is. Life can not always be happy. Most of it is boring and mundane. However, that doesn’t make it miserable. It just makes it boring and mundane.
When something goes wrong and bad, that’s when I’m miserable. When something goes right and good, thats when I’m happy. For 90% of the time, I’m content to be simply … meh. All it took for me to stop feeling miserable just because life wasn’t happy all the time was for me to accept that life is mostly boring and decide to be content with that.
As a result, when something does make me miserable, I’m not hitting the extremes of misery that I used to. When life is seen as miserable during all the boring times, then something goes wrong, misery only has one way to go - extreme. Now it just becomes normally miserable and I’m not stressing out over trying to find a constant happiness that can simply never exist, thus I’m able to better appreciate the little things that do make me happy.
I still plan to move to a better place though, because those little happy things will happen more often and the little miserable things less often. Which means I’ll then be able to say my life there is happier than it was here, even though most of it will still be rather boring and mundane.
a) Fully forgive the man that completely screwed up and destroyed all trust; but came back, apologised, accepted responsibility for his own actions and faced the fire, and give him a chance.
b) Give the new man that’s interested a chance instead.
a) I don’t know if I can trust him again. How do you trust someone that very suddenly went against everything they ever said? He was going through a hard time… can I even believe that or is that just a bullshit excuse?
b) I don’t trust him at all because I don’t know him.
a) I would have dove into his arms had he said what he recently did before he screwed up. Now I’m not so sure anymore.
b) I don’t know if I’m really interested or not because I don’t know him.
a) I’ve known him for quite some time and we have almost everything in common.
b) I still don’t know what we have in common at all beyond being human.
Whichever way I go, it’s going to damage the friendship I have so far with the one I turn away because jealousy and rejection hurts. I am going to have to choose, and chances are, I’ll have to choose before I get a chance to really know the second one properly and before time tells whether the first one is going to learn from his mistakes.
Better the devil I already know and love but need to learn to trust again, or the one that is still a complete mystery?
I think I’m going to have to sit on this for as long as I can and just see what they both do, because I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before. I have no idea what to even think of it let alone what to do.
Should public schools provide an abstinence-only or comprehensive sex education?
Comprehensive. Teaching kids to abstain doesn’t stop them from having sex, and teaching them about it doesn’t make them do it more. With a broader understanding they have the power to choose their actions knowing the risks, and deal with the results. Generally speaking, kids with improved education in sex are safer than those with little knowledge as they feel less need to experiment in order to satisfy their natural curiosity. Also, schools need to put more effort into educating people about the differences and consequences between sex and sexual assault, which can’t be properly explained without a more comprehensive education in sex.
Should same-sex couples be able to legally marry?
Yes. I have yet to hear any arguement against it that I can’t shoot down in flames. If you want to see my response to any particular arguement against it, message me or I’ll be here all day. lol
Should health insurance be required to cover costs for contraception?
What is health insurance? Oh, that’s right, I live in Australia, we have this thing called a public health system with a prescription benefits scheme. Most forms of contraception is covered by the PBS here. If it isn’t like that elsewhere, it should be.
Should state and federal laws limit access to abortion?
Only to a certain point. For many woman it becomes a (horribly) necessary thing for their physical and mental health and in some cases their mere survival (especially in cases of ectopic pregnancy). I definately disagree with it being so liberated that women begin to use it as a method of contraception because that is downright dangerous and irresponsible. I’m all for the regulation of the medical services that provide abortions, and councelling being required both prior to and after a termination of pregnancy (it is never an easy or unemotional process to go through), but it should never be made illegal. Making it illegal only results in women turning to dangerous means of termination, babies winding up in dumpsters and being killed after birth, as well as increasing the problem of infant abuse and neglect. Efforts to fight against abortion would be far better spent on unwanted pregnancy prevention, new parent education, and sexual health councelling.
Should teens be able to obtain contraceptive services without parental consent?
Condoms, most definately yes. Chemical prescription means such as contraceptive pills, no. The reason for this is because chemical contraception requires a medical check and a prescription as they are not safe nor suitable for everyone to use. As soon as kids can access one restricted prescription medication without parental concent, it opens a can of worms for all prescription medications to be allowed without parental concent.
Should a person’s HIV status be part of the public record?
Definately not. That would lead to massive discrimination problems. Fact: Hep B and Hep C are both more contagious and just as deadly; but no one is screaming for any public records for them. Hep B has a vaccination, yet, how many people are vaccinated? Forget public health records, get more into public education about the risks and consequences of all sexually transmittable diseases.
Should prostitution be legal?
I’ve never been able to settle for an answer to this one. In places where it has been legalised, it hasn’t reduced or increased the impact on sexual assault, nor has it had any impact on problems of infidelity. Sexual assault is a crime of power and opportunity, no one that commits a sexual crime thinks to themselves, “Should I rape the person in front of me or go see a prostitute?” Infidelity isn’t caused by an availability of sex, but rather a person’s desire to feel desired by more than one person and usually results in on-going affairs. Unlike an affair, a prostitute isn’t going to give any emotional hassles, they won’t turn up nine months later with a baby in their arms, they’re not going to phone their clients wanting to see them again, and definately aren’t going to contact the person’s partner about anything either. If I had a partner that cheated on me, I’d prefer to learn he did it with a prostitute than with some chic he met at the pub, because at least I know the prostitute won’t suddenly want to keep him (I probably wouldn’t either if it happened, but if I was going to forgive it would be a bit easier to forgive him for seeing a prostitute than anyone else). With legal brothels the girls are better looked after and kept safer than illegal street prostitution, regular health checks are required, and support given. These are all very good arguements as to why it should be legalised. On the flip side, legalising it makes it as acceptable a career choice as working any other job… which is probably not exactly the best message to send to teenagers wondering what they’re going to do with their life once they finish school.
Earlier this year my eldest son was eating me out of house and home, and his best friend’s parents as well! He was growing and he’s a very active kid, of course he’s going to eat every digestible organic thing in sight!
One day he wandered in the door and claimed he wasn’t hungry. I jokingly exclaimed, “What?! YOU, not hungry? HOW is that possible?” He then commented that he was worried that he might get fat if he ate too much. Oh dear, here we go. Time to break out the reality lesson.
As it turned out, some kids at school commented about the amount of food he eats and started teasing him, telling him he was going to get fat. Grrr.
We had a good long talk about it. I taught him about healthy food v’s junk food, and about how exercise burns off fat, how the body digests food, how metabolism works, etc. We also talked about social stereotyping, bullying and name calling and why people do it, and how to tell if what they say is a joke, a bullshit illogical insult just to hurt a person, or whether it’s the truth. Bullies very rarely state the truth, they only want to say what they think will hurt the most.
I showed him photos of myself at different times in my life and how much I weighed at the times the photos were taken. He was quite surprised to see one photo of me looking skinny, one of me a bit over weight and one of me looking quite healthy, to learn that in the healthier looking photo I weighed more than I did in the over-weight looking one. The reason for this was because in the healthier looking photo I was carrying a hell of a lot of muscle mass. I weighed 63 kgs and was capable of lifting and carrying almost twice my own body weight. I could bench press more than I weighed. I could do over 100 men’s army-style dips and push-ups without even breaking a sweat. (I look back at that time now and pine for my youth lol) With the more over-weight looking photo, at the time I weighed 57 kgs and struggled to lift half my weight, forget about carrying it! In the skinny looking one I was 49 kgs and again, I couldn’t lift half my own body weight.
That was what clinched it for him. He wants to join the airforce cadets when he turns 13 with his long-term goal being joining the airforce. He’s somewhat aware of how rough military training is and is concerned about his physical condition, he wants to make sure he’s fit enough to handle it when the time comes. When the kids started teasing him about getting fat, it worried him not just on a social level, but also in regards to his fitness. He was under the impression that skinny = fit and healthy.
Six months later…
He still eats everything in sight and is still very active. He is one of the most fit, muscular, well-toned boys at his school and his physical strength is incredible for his age. He weighs more than most of the kids in his class even though he’s a bit shorter than many, because he’s so muscular. He can climb just about anything because he can pull all his weight up with one arm. He can lift and carry more than his own body weight. There is only one boy at his school that he can’t out-run and that boy is 2 years older and almost a foot taller than him.
He has passed on what he has learned to his best friend, who was a toothpick and ate like a sparrow. His best friend was a little jealous of my boy’s strength and fitness, but now he’s eating better, looking better and gaining strength and feeling better about himself as well.
To those out there that are desperately trying to lose weight to the point of having an eating disorder, please, try to think differently about what you want your body to be able to do. Especially those who are suffering from having been abused - do you want to weaken yourself and make yourself more physically vulnerable, or would you rather be fit and strong enough to drop an abuser on their arse and run like hell? Don’t think that starving yourself will give you a nice 6 pack stomach, your body will eat away the muscle mass before it burns the fat and your stomach will actually distend in the long run and look worse. Eat well and exercise well and build up those muscles.
Oh, and be aware that muscle only looks fully defined after a workout. When relaxed the muscles are relaxed and still look good, but aren’t all sticking out like in the pictures of body builders - who dehydrate themselves to the point of dangerous and do a massive workout to get their muscles showing like in those photos.
Lastly, get off those damn scales. Muscle weighs a lot more than fat.
In the past seven days, this is all the interaction I have had with people besides my two children, one of which isn’t home very much and the other is a toddler that can’t talk…
Four text messages to my phone from the phone company reminding me that my credit is due to expire.
Two brief msn conversations with people I’ve never met.
Six messages on tumblr from two people I’ve never met and one that I haven’t seen since she was a baby.
Four emails from people I’ve never met.
Three brief conversations on WoW about WoW.
One phone call from a social worker organising a time to come to see me.
One home visit and conversation about housing options in Sydney from the same social worker.
One conversation with my son’s preschool worker about speech therapy.
Six standard hospitable, “Hello, how are you?” greetings from my son’s preschool workers.
Five standard, “Is that everything? Price is $. Credit or savings?” conversations with cashiers.
Three standard conversations with taxi drivers about where I needed to go and how much money I owed them for the journey.
This has been a completely normal week for me. Sure I get a bit lonely sometimes, but I’ve gotten so used to this life that it doesn’t bother me too much anymore. I’m simply grateful every moment of every day that I’m not still in a place that can only be summarised as horrific, until…
I read about someone complaining about how they feel lonely, because despite the reasonably long list of good people that they are close to and interact with every day on a personal level, they feel like no one understands them and they argued with some of them over something trivial, and no one is bombarding their tumblr ask with messages.
How I learned to desensitize my triggers caused by objects..
Occasionally someone asks me how I cope with confronting common every day items that used to trigger my PTSD. I don’t have much problem with common inanimate objects anymore, it tends to only be situations and people’s behaviour that triggers me now days. Although occasionally I’ll come across something I haven’t seen in decades that brings up something forgotten and repressed, when that happens I just go back to the start and work through this until that item no longer triggers me either.
Posting this in case someone find this information useful. It’s something one of the psychologists I used to see suggested to me and I found that it does indeed work.
1. identify a trigger: a belt.
2. identify why it triggers me: I was hit with a belt repeatedly to the point of black and blue and literally bleeding through my skin.
3. use logic to determine the reality of that situation: it wasn’t the belt that hit me, the belt is an inanimate object that can’t move by itself. It was the person that was holding it that was hitting me, it just happened to be a belt they hit me with.
4. accept the harmlessness of the trigger: a belt can not hurt me, only a person weilding it as a weapon can hurt me, the belt itself is going to do nothing more than sit there motionless until someone picks it up, and even then it’s at the mercy of the person using it.
5. identify the normal purpose of the trigger: a belt is used for holding up pants and skirts, it’s not supposed to be used for hitting anyone with.
6. put myself in the trigger’s shoes: if I was a belt and someone picked me up and started hitting someone with me, I wouldn’t like it anymore than the person being hit!
7. identify the trigger as an equal victim of the same circumstance: I wasn’t in control of the situation, nor was the belt. We were both slaves at the mercy of the abuser who was in control. It was him that was responsible for it all, not the belt.
8. exposure to trigger: look at the belts on a clothing rack in a store. Do this a few times, coaxing myself to get closer to them each time I go there. Eventually touch a belt - notice it didn’t hurt me at all.
9. control the trigger: Eventually take the belt off it’s hook and hold it in my hands. Feel it in my hands. I now have control of the belt. It can’t hurt me or anyone else because it’s in my hands and I’m not going to let it. Eventually buy the belt and take it home. Make it my friend, give it a name and talk to it like it’s an imaginary silent friend (like people do with pets), notice every little detail about it, the weight, texture, colour, patterns, every little imperfection; and eventually wear it the way it should be used. Confirm to myself repeatedly that this belt will never hurt anyone because it’s my belt and I am in control of it and I won’t let anyone use it to do anyone any harm.
10. accept that all items the same are the same and stay aware of what is really to blame: no belt is ever going to hurt me, it was never a belt that hurt me in the first place, it was the person that was holding a belt that did it. Most people that have belts only wear them to hold their pants/skirts up, they don’t all go around hitting people with them. Other people are as much in control of their belts as I am of mine. It’s not a belt I need to worry about, it’s the person holding it I need to trust.
Fear cause adrenaline to kick in which then causes steroids to be released in order to start the calming down process. Steroids start to ruin the hippocampus, the part of your brain that handles memory.
I see a lot of things promoting vegan diets, also on the flip side a lot of information about how much we need to eat meat. The arguements I find the strangest are:
the idea that humans are evolved to eat meat or not eat meat.
the idea that humans are the only animal that eats both plants and meat.
Here’s a brief list of commonly known animals that are omnivorous:
Pigs, bears, coatis, raccoons, chipmunks, hedgehogs, opposums, skunks, chimpanzees, mice, rats, baboons, sloths, squirrels, most avian species including chickens, lizards, turtles, bandicoots, bilbies, and many species of fish.
I’ve heard people claim the human digestive system is more like a cow than a lion… that’s the biggest load of codswallop ever. Our digestive systems aren’t like either of those animals, we’re more like pigs. Pigs are the world’s most naturally omnivorous animal on earth.
Sure, we don’t have teeth and claws and rough tongues for removing the thick hides off prey, but we also don’t have the 4 compartments in our stomach that cows need to digest the rough plant matter they eat. We don’t even have the ability to catch our own prey without the use of tools, but that’s what humans evolved to do. We can’t catch prey, and we have no natural defenses against becoming prey either, except for…
Our brain. We evolved to think, reason, to build and create, use tools and improvise. Well, at least some humans have evolved to think and reason, but most can still use tools and improvise.
So do we need to eat meat or not? No, we don’t need to eat meat, but we don’t need to live without it either. That’s what makes us so survivable as a species, we can eat either. If edible plants aren’t available in our environment, we can eat meat to sustain ourselves and vice versa.
So should we eat meat or not? Let’s look at it this way: if ALL humans suddenly went strictly vegan and continued to stay vegan for a few hundred generations, every vegan promoting person would celebrate, but in the long run eventually humans would evolve differently - to only be able to eat plant matter. This would reduce the potential survival of humans in any part of the world should digestible safe plant matter become temporarily unavailable due to disease, insect plague or drought. If human’s were still able to eat meat, they could survive on fish, reptiles, insects, and other animals that were better able to survive a sudden lack of plant matter or that are able to eat surviving plants that humans can’t eat (eg: eucalypt and bamboo leaves).
What do we do? Whatever suits you, your religious and social views, your health and diet and your tastebuds.
If you choose to eat a vegan diet, keep in mind that although spinach is high in iron, your body is only able to absorb about 5% of the iron from it and you’re better off eating broccoli. Learn properly about what you need to eat and how much of what you will need to get the nutrients you should have if you want to live a long and healthy life.
If you choose to eat meat, be aware that on the recommended food triangle, meat is near the top of the triangle, you don’t need to eat very much of it and you should eat a lot more fruits, vegetables and cereals or you’ll likely drop dead at a young age from a high cholestrol induced heart attack or stroke. If you’re going to eat meat, eat it in moderation.
As for the social aspect of cruelty to animals, sure, go ahead and do what you can to improve the meat production industry and make them accountable for every incident of animal cruelty. Killing an animal for food is something that every carnivore and omnivore on the planet does. Everything dies eventually somehow, and if you were a cow I’m sure you’re rather be slaughtered quickly by a human than have your rump torn to shreds by a lion’s claws before he eventually drags you to the ground and tears your neck open so you lay there bleeding out and dying far slower and in a lot more pain.
The only things I find disgusting is the way in which too many animals are housed and transported, and the way humans are so wasteful about animal products. If cooked and treated right, there is no part of an animal we can’t eat besides hair/fur/scales/shell, fat/blubber and bone, and even those parts have uses. I’ve got nothing against eating tongue, brain, heart, liver, kidneys, tripe, etc. Haggis is awesome! I’m one of very few people I know that isn’t repulsed by that concept. If more humans ate meat in moderation like we should, and we didn’t waste the meat, a lot less animals would need to be killed to feed us.
We don’t have to go totally vegan to improve things for the animals we eat, and we don’t have to eat meat to survive and stay healthy, we just have to use our highly evolved brains and be sensible, reasonable, and think.
And whatever your preference, please respect others that choose to eat differently. No one likes being belittled and ridiculed and told their evil or stupid.
Civillian friend goes overseas for 6 months and doesn’t bother to check their email for two weeks. Every day you send them an email just to let them know you’re still thinking of them. They finally get to checking their mail to find 14 messages from you. They roll their eyes and sigh, and think, “Do I really have to read all this?” They then send a brief reply and delete the emails.
Military friend gets deployed overseas for 6 months and can’t check their email for two months. Every day you send them an email just to let them know you’re thinking of them. They finally get to checking their email to find 61 messages from you. They smile and maybe even shed a tear, and think, “If only I had time to reply to them all.” They then send a brief reply and print all the emails out to read every chance they get.
I’ve caught out some guys outright lying in the sneakiest of ways. Some of them have been worth a laugh so I have decided to share some of my experiences.
One guy claimed to be Irish, raised in Ireland, immigrated to Australia only a few months before. A week later I was talking to him again and he gave me his phone number. I left it a few more weeks and then without warning phoned him.
"Hi, is this Jamie?"
"Yeah, who’s this?"
"It’s Lil, from <dating site>, you gave me your number so I thought I’d give you a call."
"Oh hi! How are you? It’s great to be able to put a voice to your name and picture finally."
"Yeah, I’m honest about who I am, but… where’s your Irish accent gone?"
"Oh… umm…. ugh. I’ve been caught out haven’t I."
"Yep, stupid boy."
One guy claimed to be in the Australian Army. He had a shirtless photo of him online wearing his dog tags. He stumbled badly for an explanation when I asked, “Why are you wearing US dog tags?”
"What do you mean?"
"The Australian Defence Force uses completely different shaped tags."
"The ones you’re wearing in your photo are rectangular, US style, easily obtainable over the internet from many different sites for a few bucks with anything you happen to want written on them. ADF tags are one round and one octagonal."
"Are you in the military?"
"No, and clearly neither are you, but I evidently know a lot more about the ADF than you do."
Many claim to be single, but are looking for someone to meet up with ‘discreetly’. Yeah sure mate, gotta make sure your wife doesn’t catch you after all! lol Idiots.
The good news is, not all of them lie about themselves, and many are tired of women that play exactly the same sort of deceptions.
The general rule of thumb is, if they sound too good to be true, they probably are.